The Darker Side of Friendship

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The best of friends can fall out. A friendship can go from
wonderful to harmful.

Sometimes, people we welcome into our lives
as friends can cause us so much pain and
grief. Thomas Hood 1835

The most fatal disease of friendship is preliminary
dece or decline; hourly increased by causes
too slender for complaint and too numerous
for removal.
Those who are angry may be reconciled.
Samuel Johnson- The Idler 1758

This is not a perfect world. We all have our faults,
a common denominator in the human race. Paths do
separate, some amicably, others in severe conflict.

As with any relationship, disagreements, misunderstanding,
neglect, petty provocation and conflict can slowly
erode the bonds that keep friends together. These can
start as minor tiffs, but can slowly grow to tear apart
friends beyond redemption.


What do you expect from a friend when you are at the
giving end? How much of yourself, your time, your financial
and other resources do you give to a friend? Is there a
Mutual give and take in the relationship? Ingratitude can
be a major issue between friends. Remember, it has
was said that of all the Virtues, gratitude has the
shortest memory. Do you expect a payback when
you do your friend a favor?


Gossip is hurtful, damaging, unkind and at times
it is far from the truth. Gossip is cheap talk, a cheap
shot at a friend. How would you feel if you were the
topic of a gossip? If you have nothing good or nice
to say about anyone, zip it up. Gossip is a betrayal
of trust between friends.


Codependent relationships are unhealthy, mentally,
Physically exhausting and exasperating, and spiritually
undernourished. Some call co-dependency a relationship
addiction, riddled with feelings of inadequacy, lack of
fulfillment, strong need to be in control, no sense of
boundaries and irrational. Codependent friends
are always ready to reach out, at times at great
sacrifice of their own personal needs. Some blame
the world for all their problems, gets too absorb with
their own needs and at times force their points of
view upon others. They fail to listen to their friends.

Sleeping or flirting with your partner

Flirting or sleeping with your partner is one of the most
painful situations for a friend – to discover that the friend
is sleeping with his / her partner. How can this happen? This
is a betrayal of a sacred trust- a trust in the friendship.
But this happens.

Resentment, envy

Do you feel resentful of a friend's success?
At times, levelling becomes a defensive tool.
Clearly, this is envy. A friend should feel happy
at the success of a friend. A touch of envy will
start the questions of how can you manage this
success, what if it does not work out, where
will you get all the resources you need?
All negative thoughts, instead of sharing
the joy of the moment.

Manipulative friends

Some manipulations are very subtle that you do not
know you are being manipulated. Your generosity
is abused, your good-nature is taken advantage of,
you can be spoken into taking responsibilities the other
person should shoulder.
These are just a few examples of minor manipulation.

Should you lie for a friend?

A lie is a lie. Even an innocent white lie can be
harmful. You do this once, you will be expected
to do it again. Truth has a way of showing up
when most unexpected. You put your credibility
on the line when you agree to lie for a friend.

Negative Thinking friends

How much exposure can you end to a
friend who has a very negative attitude towards
life? It is a function of friendship to give an
ear to a friend in times of need or stress. But be
wary of an over-exposure to negativity, especially
when you are struggling with issues of your own.

It does not mean that you should prepare a
checklist before you embark on a friendship.
I do not believe in instant friendship.

It takes time to get to know a person, a few
bump along the way is needed to reveal the
inner core, a few laughs would be healthy,
shared interests would be enhancing and
inspiring. Friends who, together, discover new ideas
and goals would definitely enjoy growth.

Friendship is about mutual caring and sharing
that Touches deep into the soul.


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